At Fish, we’d like to thank all our clients, partners, and friends for making 2019 such a wonderful year. And because we want the last little part of the year to be just as great as the first part, we’ve put together a list of holiday hazards one may have to circumvent in order to experience maximum levels of good cheer.
We hope they help.
If you are visited by two ghosts on Christmas Eve, DO NOT HANG OUT TO WAIT FOR THE THIRD. Go to Denny’s or something. Ghosts hate the lighting there.
Do whatever you can to avoid talking about politics with your family. Bring the wrong cranberry sauce – that will create at least two hours of conversation. If that doesn’t work, try lighting your house on fire.
A treadmill is a great way to work off those holiday pounds! Try dangling a turkey leg in front of it as an incentive!
Holiday Glitter Disorder can last for up to four weeks following the holiday. Avoid it by not leaving the house or opening mail or coming into contact with other humans until January 3rd, 2020.
If you end up lighting your house on fire, do not attempt to contact the fire department by tagging them in a 🔥 insta post.
Do not attempt to “re-connect” with your partner in your childhood bedroom. Your parents will be super grossed out and it will feel like the Backstreet Boys are judging your technique from up on the wall.
If you’re going to Europe, do not accidentally leave your adorable and implausibly resourceful child at home and not realize it until you’re on the plane. Especially if they haven’t invented cellphones yet.
Your Uncle Carl will challenge you to a one-armed push-up contest. Do not take him up on it. He was in the Navy.
Don’t bring leftover turkey sandwiches to work.
Take a breath. Have some leftover mashed potatoes and revel in the absurdity of it all. You will miss it when it’s over.
Wishing you a happy and safe holiday season, from all of us at